Saturday, February 19, 2011
"I Love You, Miss Aida"
This is the one of the hardest posts I have ever written...ever. The only one that even comes close was the one I wrote about my daughter "Gigi".
As anyone who is a regular reader of my posts may have guessed or for those of you that already know me - know- I love being a mom and I love my children, even my "adopted" ones(many neighborhood kids call me "Mom").
So with heavy heart I write this post in memory of my daughter Christionne Savone Brown, who the world and I lost on Jan 2, 2009, whose last words to me were "I love you, Miss Aida". I so desperately wanted to tell her to call me "mom" after all, her father and I were going to announce our engagement that evening, but I hesitated, wanting to surprise her later.
She was doll of a little girl and I was so excited to be her mom. I dreamt of late night talks with ALL my girls, I pictured her in a yellow dress at the wedding - just like she liked; a little v-cut and slightly snug at the waist ( we already talked about the clothes she liked and how she'd want to help with picking decorations for the house, "except from Walmart", their selection that year was "just terrible"- I agreed.)
She was my yellow lady bug. I wanted her to be my "sticky frog", mainly because she had tons of energy and was always bouncing around and she loved to hug! I told her my thoughts but she quickly let me know she was no frog! I explained how each of us in the house was some kind of bug -me; the butterfly, Lani; the red Lady bug, Gi; the Dragonfly, Raven; the bumblebee and her little newborn sister was the Firefly, so we HAD to choose something for her, to which she retorted, "pick something else". Ok. We settled on a yellow Lady bug - yellow for her favorite color and the lady bug since she was closet to Meilani. Done.
She was sweet and sassy -I liked that- she was just like one of my own. I was afraid she'd be shy and my girls would over-power her with their larger than life personalities, but no, she held her own lovely. She was certainly no pushover, but she was soft and sweet enough to let most everything roll off her shoulders, a few family meetings showed me that. She spoke, but always only had nice things to say, she was so happy to be a part of our family...it was her first time having sisters, since she was an only child, and she had every intention of enjoying every moment of it!
She smiled...a lot! She always had a smile on her face. Hopping along - singing - laughing - just an angel ...really and just as smart as she was happy...I just knew we were going have great talks.
There are no words I can put on the screen or a piece of paper to express how much I loved her. How I dreamt of being her mom and how I imagined helping her dad to mold her future. How I laid up at night praying and asking God to help me make the right decisions and to help ease the transition for all the girls. Blended families are tough ...add to that a house full of estrogen and - boy oh boy - but yet all the girls seemed to be managing...
The last day I saw her she was on "baby duty", it was her day with her newborn sister (My mom on close watch) she was so proud and excited! I came by later that day to check on them again and they were all in the bedroom together playing video games. In a few short hours we were all going to celebrate Raven's birthday and unbeknown to them, the engagement. It was during that check-in when she said it..."I love you, Miss Aida" - I said 'I love you too" and gave her a big hug...I really wanted to tell her 'call me mom'...its the one thing I regret not saying...
She died later that afternoon...she drowned in the pool - life has not been the same since.
I didn't write this for anyone, but me and her. I'm a writer - we immortalize people through our words - She deserves to be remembered. Today would have been her 12th birthday. I write this because she had a name and she was loved by us all, my family, her family - Even her school had a memorial service for her - she left a huge impact in her too brief life.
In her place there's a gaping hole...
But..She also left me some gifts. Next month, for my birthday, I will share what she and my other girls have taught me...
In the meantime, today I celebrate her and her life, too brief and too short, but I'm grateful! I'm grateful that I was able to be a part of her life, even if for a short time and I'm grateful, grateful I was able to hear her say:
"I love you, Miss Aida!".
Raven, Lani, Chrissy & Gigi
Two days before
at 12:00 PM